The Secret Sauce to Overcoming Adversity: How to Turn Challenges into Strength

Life will throw curveballs at you. That’s a given. But what if I told you that the secret sauce to overcoming adversity lies in how you respond to those curveballs? In my podcast, At Your Best with Roselynn Onah, we’ve been diving deep into mental resilience—what it means, how to develop it, and why it’s essential for turning obstacles into stepping stones. In my conversations with resilience coach Dr. Ronica Jacobs, we broke down key strategies that can help you shift your mindset, embrace challenges, and build unshakable mental toughness. I’ll be sharing their personal journeys and practical tools to help you live at your best.

The Three Pillars of Resilience: Commitment, Control, and Challenge

Resilience isn’t about being unbreakable—it’s about being adaptable. And according to research (and lived experience), resilience is built on three core skills: commitment, control, and challenge.

1. Commitment: Finding Your Why

Commitment is all about having a strong sense of purpose that keeps you going even when things get tough. When I decided to pivot careers after my divorce and take the bar exam years after law school, my commitment to my values and long-term goals kept me moving forward. It’s easy to give up when faced with obstacles, but when you’re deeply connected to your why, you push through.

Dr. Ronica emphasized the role of discipline in building commitment. Distractions, self-doubt, and external pressures can derail you. But when you commit to a goal, you must also commit to removing the noise. Whether it’s setting boundaries, cutting out negativity, or doubling down on routines that support your goals, commitment requires discipline.

2. Control: Focus on What You Can Influence

Let’s be real—there’s a lot in life we can’t control. Traffic, other people’s opinions, unexpected job losses—you name it. But what you can control is how you show up in the world. When I was studying for the bar while working full-time, I had to shift my focus from “I don’t have enough time” to “I can control how I use the time I do have.” That meant early mornings, study sessions during lunch breaks, and staying committed to my end goal.

Dr. Ronica shared a great perspective on control: managing stress effectively. Stress can elevate cortisol levels, which, when left unchecked, can negatively impact health. By focusing on what you can influence—like your reaction to challenges—you reclaim your power. One of her best tips? Find ways to make uncontrollable situations work for you. Stuck in traffic? Turn on an audiobook or podcast (At Your Best with Roselynn Onah!). Waiting on someone to return a call? Use that time for self-reflection or another productive task. It’s all about redirecting energy toward what serves you.

3. Challenge: Seeing Setbacks as Growth Opportunities

This one is big. A lot of us are conditioned to fear challenges because they come with discomfort. But growth only happens on the other side of adversity. Dr. Ronica calls them Life Jacked moments—unplanned disruptions that shake things up. The key isn’t avoiding these moments; it’s learning how to navigate them.

If you’ve ever watched sports, you know that the MVP isn’t the player who avoids tough games. It’s the one who embraces the pressure, steps up, and learns from every match. The same applies to life. Challenges don’t mean stop. They mean adapt. And just like with building muscle, the more you push through, the stronger you become.

Practical Steps to Strengthen Your Resilience Muscle

1. Do the Mirror Exercise. Look at yourself in the mirror and name 5-10 positive attributes about yourself. Write them down, tape them to your mirror, and read them every day until they become ingrained in your mindset.

2. Identify What You Can Control. Make a list of things stressing you out. Now, cross out everything that’s out of your control and focus only on what’s left.

3. Reframe Fear. Instead of seeing fear as a stop sign, view it as a signal to prepare and strategize. Ask yourself: “What’s one step I can take to move through this?”

4. Set Realistic Expectations. Sometimes we create unnecessary pressure by imposing arbitrary deadlines. Adjust your goals in a way that supports your mental well-being without compromising progress.

5. Build a Support System. Resilience isn’t built in isolation. Surround yourself with mentors, coaches, or a community that uplifts and challenges you.

Final Thoughts: Becoming Your Most Resilient Self

Overcoming adversity isn’t about having a perfect life where nothing goes wrong. It’s about developing the skills, mindset, and habits that allow you to face difficulties head-on. Every setback is an opportunity to learn. Every challenge is a chance to grow. And every time you push through, you strengthen the muscle that will carry you through life’s toughest moments.

So let me leave you with this: How have you embraced challenge in your life? I’d love to hear your stories. Share them with me on social media, and let’s keep this conversation going.

And if you haven’t already, don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe to At Your Best with Roselynn Onah. Let’s build a community that thrives, together.

🎙 Want to dive deeper? Listen to my podcast episodes where I break down resilience with Dr. Ronica Jacobs:

Let’s keep the conversation going—tune in and start turning your challenges into strength!