When Work Becomes War: Healing, Boundaries, and Showing Up Whole

There are some battles you never expect to fight at work.

You walk in ready to build your career, use your voice, and thrive. But slowly—often quietly—you realize you’re shrinking. Not because you want to, but because somewhere along the line, you were told you had to.

Told your confidence was “too much.”Told your smile made people suspicious.Told to soften your words so others could digest them more easily.

I’ve been there. Many of you have too. And if you’ve ever felt like work cost you more than it paid, like your very presence was a problem—then this conversation is for you.

It’s time to talk about healing from toxic work environments, reclaiming your confidence, and choosing to take up space without apology.

The Wounds No One Sees: What Workplace Trauma Really Looks Like

Let’s name it: Workplace trauma is real.

Especially for Black women, women of color, and other marginalized professionals, workplaces can be emotionally violent in ways that don’t leave visible bruises—but leave deep internal scars.

It can start with something “small”: a microaggression here, an overlooked idea there. But over time, these moments compound. Before you know it, you’re second-guessing every word, bracing before every meeting, watching your joy drain out of you week by week.

And the worst part? Sometimes the people who harm you most aren’t just outside your community—they’re people you looked to for mentorship, solidarity, safety.

That betrayal cuts especially deep.

Trauma in these environments can look like:

• Anxiety before logging into work

• Emotional numbness when receiving feedback

• Feeling muted in meetings even when you have ideas

• Over-identifying with your role to prove your worth

• Believing your job is your value

  
  

If you see yourself in this list, know this: You are not weak. You are not broken. You are not alone.

Shrinking to Fit Is Not Survival. It’s Surrender.

One of the most subtle—and dangerous—forms of workplace harm is the way it teaches us to shrink.

To hide our laughter.

To tone down our joy.

To filter our presence through other people’s insecurities.

We’re told it’s professionalism. But let’s be real—it’s performance. And performing safety is exhausting.

You don’t have to erase yourself to survive work. You don’t have to disconnect from your cultural expression, your assertiveness, or your light.

Taking up space isn’t rebellion. It’s restoration.

When you walk into a room knowing that you belong—without needing anyone’s permission—you shift the atmosphere. And you invite others to do the same.

What Boundaries Really Mean (And Why They're Not Optional)

Let’s get this straight: boundaries are not barriers. They are bridges—to safety, to self-respect, to clarity.

Whether it’s a manager who constantly oversteps or a colleague who demands emotional labor, your boundary is your responsibility.

And no, setting boundaries doesn’t make you “difficult.”

It makes you clear.

Here’s what setting a boundary might sound like at work:

• “I’d like to revisit that conversation at a different time—when we can both be fully present.”

• “This tone is making it hard for me to stay engaged. Let’s take a break and return to the discussion later.”

• “I’m not comfortable with how this feedback was delivered. Can we reframe this with specific examples?”

Notice something? You don’t need to raise your voice to raise your standards.

Redefining Success: More Than a Paycheck

One of the biggest lies we’ve absorbed is that our value is measured by productivity.

But here’s what I’ve learned: you are more than what you produce.

Success isn’t just about titles, metrics, or how fast you climb the ladder. Success is also:

• Knowing when to log off

• Taking your PTO without guilt

• Refusing to let your boss’s bad day define your self-worth

• Creating a life outside of work that actually feels good

  
  

Your job can be a chapter in your life—not the entire story.

Healing Isn’t Cute, But It’s Worth It

A lot of conversations around healing sound cute on Instagram. But let me be honest: healing is messy.

Healing is crying in your car after a triggering email.

It’s rewriting the story that says you're only valuable when you're quiet.

It’s learning to say “thank you” when someone compliments you—instead of shrinking away.

And yes, sometimes healing looks like therapy. Because you can’t journal your way out of trauma. Sometimes you need a trained professional to help you untangle what’s been done to you—and rebuild what work tried to take from you.

Please, don’t carry workplace trauma from job to job. Don’t assume a new desk means you’ve left the pain behind.

Process it. Face it. Release it.

Final Word: You Were Never the Problem

If you’ve been gaslit into thinking your sensitivity is the issue—know this:

• Speaking up is not a flaw.

• Asking for emotional safety is not overreacting.

• Wanting to bring your full self to work is not unreasonable.

  
  

You are not too loud.

You are not too confident.

You are not a threat.

You are a whole human being. And work should never ask you to leave yourself behind.

So let me ask you:

Where are you still shrinking?

What would it look like to take up space instead?

We’d love to hear your reflections. Use the hashtag #AtYourBestPod to share your story.

🎧 Listen now:

• Episode 15 – When Work Feels Unsafe: Understanding Workplace PTSD and the Black Woman Experience Listen here

• Episode 16 – How to Take Up Space at Work Without Apology Listen

  here

  
  

Until next time,

Remember: You don’t need permission to be whole.

You are at your best when you are fully you.